Everybody Has the Right to Own an Impreza
By David Lewis
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, buying an Imprezawould be it.
The long-term benefits of driving an Impreza have been consistently misunderstood
by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my
own driving experience.
I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your Impreza. Oh, never mind. You will not understand
the power and beauty of your Impreza until something better is built.
But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself beside your Scooby
and recall in a way you can't grasp now how fast you drove and how fabulous the
handling really was.
You are not as fast as you imagine.
Don't worry about where the next litre of fuel is coming from. Or worry, but know
that worrying is as effective as trying to beat Richard Burns on a special stage.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your
Impreza-addled mind, like the unexpected lack of grip on some isolated mountain
Drive around 1 corner every day that scares you. Clean the seat afterwards.
Be reckless when driving other people's Scoobies. Don't put up with people who are
reckless when driving yours.
Don't waste your time on super-unleaded. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're
behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only petrol.
Make up compliments on your driving. Return the insults. If you succeed in getting
genuine compliments, tell me how. Keep your old MOT's. Throw away your old exhaust.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know when you'll get rid of the boy-racer in your
life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 when they would stop
being a boy-racer. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still are.
Eat plenty of kebabs but don't eat them in the car. You'll never get rid of the
Be kind to your ScoobySport exhaust. You'll miss that when it's gone.
Maybe you'll pull, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll get a 22B, maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll enter the RAC Rally at 40, maybe you'll drive around Silverstone,
nude, at your 75th SIDC Reunion.
Whatever you do, congratulate yourself far too much and berate others.
Your choice of motor-car is half partner influenced. So is everybody else's.
Enjoy your Impreza. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what the
lads might think of it. Its not THAT ugly
It's probably the only time you'll ever be able to drive fast.
Even if you have no one else to race against but an old biddy in a Mini 850 still
do it but expect the occasional humbling experience.
Ignore the directions to Prodrive, don't ever follow them.
Do not read Max Power, just cut out the pictures and put them on your wall.
Get to know your parents. You never know when you'll have to tap them for some cash
for your next performance upgrade
Be nice to Pete Croney.
He's your best link to a faster Impreza and the person most likely to relieve you of
a serious amount of dosh.
Understand that Impreza models come and go, but with some decent modifications you
should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in strength and consistency, because the older you get,
the harder it will be to drive 'round corners like when you were young.
Drive in London once, but leave before you become a pimp. Drive in Liverpool once,
but leave before your Impreza gets stolen.
Accept certain inalienable truths: You will get older. Fuel prices will rise. Traffic
cops will pull you over. You, too, will get a speeding ticket. And when you do, you'll
fantasize that when you were young, fuel prices were reasonable, jam sandwiches
couldn't catch you and speeding tickets were NEVER as expensive as this.
Respect psychiatrists. They drive 22B's
Don't assume Admiral will pay up.
Maybe you'll have a huge overdraft. Maybe you'll have a wealthy bird. But you never
know when either one might stop you from going for a drive that serves no particular
purpose and includes some of your favourite country roads.
Don't mess too much with superchips or by the time you've reached 10,000 miles your
pistons will look like tea-strainers.
Be careful whose cheap imports you buy, but be patient with those who supply them.
Cheap imports are a form of rip-off. Cheap imports are a way of fishing old stock
from the auction, wiping them clean, painting over the accident damage and re-selling
them for more than they are worth.
But trust me on owning a Impreza.